Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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