When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
