My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
