I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
