Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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