How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
