No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
