Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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