I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
