then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
