Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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