me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
