It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
