I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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