Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
