you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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