It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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