No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
