im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
