Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
