We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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