saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
