Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
