I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
