Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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