She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
