I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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