id be glad to
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
