I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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