Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we're so committed to being not committed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
