and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
