i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
