every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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