I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
