Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
