I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
