I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
