Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
