I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
