Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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