Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
