I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
