so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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