Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
