Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
