I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
