I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize