Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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