you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Less talking, more tequila
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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