im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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