It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
