There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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