2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
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Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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