im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
