I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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