6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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