U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
