So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
