so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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