I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
