Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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