the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
