Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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