proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think your dad took our porno
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
