Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
