dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
