Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
